you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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