dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
