worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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