chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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