I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We got so high we made milksteak
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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