Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize