Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
