Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
