One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she peed on how many people?
We left an ass print on the piano.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
