census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize