Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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