ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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