I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
