Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
