matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
