Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
