I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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