worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
