please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
