Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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