wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize