Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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