If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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