I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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