I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
