Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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