The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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