Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
