whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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