we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
be right there i have to get my cape
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
