there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
