i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
