You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
