You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
