I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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