you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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