This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
