His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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