mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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