I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
