I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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