come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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