You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
