I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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