Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize