hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
