she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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