You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
