yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
