She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
