he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
