I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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