i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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