absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
