Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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