It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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