Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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