I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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