Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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