Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
