Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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