One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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