Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
