why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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