Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
