maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
