She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
