I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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