IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
