I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
